Cracked Masks
by Hane no Zaia
Summary: HIATUS. Following the demise of Suman Dark, Tyki and Allen have a rather interesting conversation which has some rather interesting consequences... or as Tyki put it: "Let's get high first and try to kill each other later."
1. Cracked Masks

_The events of the first chapter are partially inspired by something a friend and I thought up while watching the DGM anime in the middle of the night, and suffice to say that things pretty much went downhill from there (when the sugar kicked in)_

_Now this… this is a partial crack story, and it contains crack too. It may give off a serious impression at times, but don't let yourselves be fooled; it's only pretending._

_Disclaimer: I don't own D. Gray – Man. If I did, I probably would not be writing fan fiction about it._

**- o0o -**

**- Cracked Masks -**

**- o0o -**

"Bye bye, Suman."

There was a great chill in the air. Allen watched helplessly as a swarm of black butterflies burst out of Suman's body, leaving it as nothing but a small pile of human remains as they seemingly went for him next. To his surprise nonetheless they stopped their attack and retreated at the call of someone. Allen turned around, slowly, clutching his left arm which was still throbbing in pain.

The person in the shadows chuckled, taking a few steps towards the gruesome scene. He held out his hands. "Come, Tease."

Once again flooded by Suman's memories Allen immediately identified the person coming towards him as a Noah. A sheer sense of terror overcame him, temporarily paralyzing both body and mind.

The butterflies immediately obeyed the Noah's command and flew towards his hands, disappearing into them like a whirlwind of blackness. The moment after they all had been absorbed into his hands two stripy butterflies appeared on his palms.

"It looks like you've gotten bigger after all," the Noah said with a smirk before he kissed one of them.

Allen's eyes widened at the sight of the butterfly; besides the stripy wings it had a skull and several sharp teeth chewing at a fast pace, as if it was hungry, really hungry. "What did you do to Suman?" he found himself asking, trying to keep his voice from shaking.

The Noah blinked, adjusting his top hat as he took a few steps forward, crouched down before the white-haired teen and simply stared at him for a few seconds without saying anything. Allen crooked an eyebrow, wondering whether he should be scared or just angry.

"Cheating Boy A?" the Noah asked after a while.

"Huh?"

Allen involuntarily tilted his head to the side, wondering whether he should laugh, shout or cry at the current situation, but as he remembered what the Noah had previously done to Suman he slapped him using his still very hurting Innocence arm.

"Just cut the crap," Allen said in a tired and slightly angry tone. "What did you do to Suman? Why did you kill him? Answer me!"

_And answer me why the Hell I care this much about a guy that betrayed his own Innocence and killed a lot of people in the process… Nice going. And now I'm stuck with an enemy in what is possibly a life-and-death situation and due to this whole incident with Suman I can't even invocate anymore… This simply sucks…_

Tyki stared at him for a moment, holding his cheek which was throbbing from the bitch slap as an innocent smile appeared onto his face. "He was my enemy. Shouldn't I kill him?"

Allen remained where he was, glaring at him. Tyki raised an eyebrow, likely expecting the target of assassination to run when he had the opportunity, but as Allen simply stayed in sitting position on the ground looking up at him with a worn out expression on his face Tyki decided to sit down himself and have a smoke, but to his great dismay he found that he had run out of cigarettes, but he also noticed that he had a joint left so he put it in his mouth and set fire onto it before he looked at the exorcist before him.

"Would you mind if I smoked a bit before I explain this whole thing about friends and enemies to you?" he asked.

Allen tilted his head to the side, looking away from him with a tired expression in his eyes, like he didn't care anymore, like he was way too tired to care. The white-haired teen did look a bit surprised however when Tyki offered him a part of his joint. "Do you want some?"

Allen took it without a word, put it into his mouth and inhaled the smoke.

"I might as well smoke some before I die," he muttered after a while.

Tyki laughed at this statement. "No problemos," he said with a smirk on his face as he found another joint. "Let's get high first and try to kill each other later."

Allen nodded a bit as he pulled out a deck of cards. "Want to play?"

Tyki's smirk widened. "I never thought you'd ask, Shounen."

Allen shuffled the deck, even if it proved to be a bit painful since his whole body was still hurting from the battle. "Which game?"

"Poker."

"Under what conditions?"

"The winner will be allowed to decide how the loser will die."

"…"

Allen looked up at Tyki, meeting his glimmering amber eyes. "Agreed?"

Tyki licked his lips. "Agreed."

Allen's innocent exterior faded away as Black Allen took over with a devilish grin on his face. Tyki's smirk widened to a grin and his eyes glimmered.

It would be a game of life and death, a game that only one of them could win.

In the end, innocence was just a façade hiding the true darkness, and when that mask cracked, who knew what lay hidden beneath?

**- o0o -**


	2. Splints and Painkillers

… _This is continuing?_

**- o0o -**

**- Splints and Painkillers -**

**- o0o -**

The Millennium Earl was not a very patient man, but he was nonetheless fairly surprised when Tyki Mikk entered the room with a very tired looking Allen Walker in a tow. The Earl eyed the white-haired teen up and down before giving Tyki a glare which was cold and angry, yet awfully surprised. "I thought I sent you to kill the kid, not to bring him here."

Tyki didn't answer as he merely shrugged his shoulders and pulled out another cigarette. The Earl was clearly not amused as he blew the top hat from the Noah's head and proceeded to smack him on the head several times with his umbrella. He only stopped as he heard Allen Walker's snickering.

"Allen Walker…" the Earl said in a dangerously low voice. "Since Tyki-pet over here isn't capable of providing me an explanation I believe you should before I'll do something really terrible…"

The white-haired teen looked up at him, his face expressionless for a moment before he resorted to snickering again. After the Earl pointed Lero in his direction he stopped briefly, eyeing the tip of the umbrella warily while his worn body was still shaking from withheld laughter.

"What is there to tell, Earl?" Allen said, looking at him with half lidded and slightly hazy silver eyes. "Tyki Mikk and I got high, had a game which I surprisingly lost and therefore I am doomed to serve him until somebody with enough mercy decides to off me…"

After this statement the exorcist broke out in another fit of laughter upon seeing the expression of utter disbelief that was plastered onto the Earl's face. Seeing the Earl's chin drop to the floor was certainly priceless.

"Is this really a laughing matter, Allen Walker?" the Earl asked as soon as he had recovered from the shock. "You know I do not trust you and will kill you personally if I must…"

"Go straight ahead…" Allen said in a very uncaring voice before turning to Tyki. "Have you got any painkillers lying around? I pretty much overexerted myself with that Fallen One and exceeded the limitations of my Innocence and you can pretty much figure out what that means…"

The Earl froze briefly as realization dawned upon him and a confident grin was once again apparent on his face. "He can't use his Innocence?"

Allen tilted his head to the side. "Not at the moment at least… I think I might've broken something…" he turned back to Tyki. "Painkillers?"

**- o0o -**

"I'm not a doctor or anything of the sort, but I think that should hold…" the Noah of Pleasure sighed as soon as he had finished bandaging Allen's arm from the shoulder to his very fingertips. "You look like a corpse."

Allen gave him a weak smile, his energy reserves depleting as the painkillers started kicking in. "I'll take that as a compliment…" he said without the least of worries. "I will be a really pretty corpse. Or a mummy perhaps, since part of the job is already done…"

Tyki sighed. "Road is gonna have a fit when she hears about you being here…"

Allen snickered. "I believe so, but you won't allow that, will you?"

"No way in Hell I will…" Tyki snorted. "She can get her own dolls to play with."

Allen tilted his head backwards, looking at the ceiling. "Is that because you want the pleasure of breaking them yourself?"

A smirk appeared on the Noah's face. "You know me all too well…" he said while rummaging his pockets before pulling out another round of joints. "You want another one?"

"Don't I have enough drugs in my system already?"

**- o0o -**


	3. Painkillers Times Two

…_This is still continuing?_

**- o0o -**

**- Painkillers Times Two -**

**- o0o -**

"I have to admit…" Tyki said while leaning against the wall, surveying the white-haired teen that was currently occupied with raiding their medicine cabinet. "…That I had no idea you lot held such a liking for pills, somehow you just didn't seem to fit the part of a druggie…"

Allen let out a snort before picking up a bottle of pills with his still working hand, checking what it was by reading the label before he opened the lid, got out maybe a dozen pills which he swept into his mouth and downed with water soon afterwards.

"What are you talking about?" he asked tiredly while wiping excessive water from his mouth. "With all the injuries I've got it's really no wonder I'm addicted to painkillers…"

Tyki frowned lightly as the teen went on, continuing the search between the numerous bottles. "I don't think that's the only thing you're addicted to…"

Allen turned his head in Tyki's direction, giving him the Don't-bother-me look before returning to rummaging the medicine cabinet.

"The sick bay in Headquarters had quite a collection, you know…" Allen said after a while, still with his back to him. "Did you really think that people who watch other people die every day and who is forced to battle for one's own survival could just act all that cheery and careless as they do? Of course not, anyone who knows lock picking raids the medicine cabinets at night. Most others are into anti-depressives though; what are you into?"

A smirk grazed Tyki's lips, but he still found himself thinking about Allen's words. "You mean besides the joints?" he asked, sounding fairly amused.

Allen, having finally found what he had been looking for, pulled out a bottle of pills before closing the door to the cabinet and turning his attention to the bottle, but as it appeared, opening a bottle with one hand wasn't all too easy and hence Tyki the not-so-much-knight-in-shining-armor stepped forward and started to battle the tightly sealed bottle while Allen looked on with a somewhat indifferent look on his face.

"You know," Allen said. "Joints and tobacco count as drugs too since they're addicting as well…"

"Well, it's not like you see me preaching or anything…" Tyki replied, still unable to open the bottle. "Did you know that sugar is highly addicting as well?"

"I know that sugar makes Kanda look like he'd swallowed something sour…" Allen replied with a lazy shrug.

"Who's this Kanda then?" Tyki asked, still struggling with the bottle. "Is it someone I should know?"

Allen chuckled. "Kanda is the grumpiest individual in the entire universe. He eats nothing but tempura soba and he eats it all year long…" he said in a rather thoughtful manner. "If it weren't for that grumpy expression of his then he would look even more like a girl than I do…"

The lid finally came off and, by the sheer amount of force used to loosen it, fell to the floor with a metallic clunk. Tyki then handed the now open bottle to the teen. "There you go, Princess."

Allen gave him an overly friendly smile. "I wouldn't use that name if I were you, Tyki-pet…" he said with a great amount of cheerfulness. "After all…" he continued, lowering his voice considerably "We never do know when accidents happen, do we?"

Tyki tapped his cheek, looking thoughtful. "What sort of accident did you have in mind?"

"Something that leaves me in sweet oblivion and you in a great amount of pain…" Allen said, his voice returning to sounding thoughtful. "What about it?"

Tyki crossed his arms over his chest, looking at the white-haired teen in a rather interested manner. "And just how the Hell are you supposed to accomplish that?"

Allen gave him a rather dismissing wave as he put the bottle on the counter next to him. "I'll think about that when my head isn't all groggy…" he said, turning towards Tyki. "Got any place I can crash?"

**- o0o -**


	4. Cheers!

…

_- _o0o -

**Cheers!**

_- _o0o -

Tyki just had to admit to himself that things weren't going as expected, seeing to the fact that he, instead of assassinating Allen Walker instead had brought the white-haired teenager home. Said teenager was currently occupying HIS bed, sprawled out in the sleep which had been enforced by all the pills he'd seen the kid consume earlier.

Tyki frowned lightly. Sure, as he had pointed out earlier he really couldn't be seen as a role model in these things and certainly shouldn't be preaching to anyone about the potential dangers of overdosing on pills or smoking pot, but he still found himself frowning at seeing a fifteen-year-old, a child soldier to the boot, sleeping under the influence of drugs since he couldn't do so otherwise. On some plane it was just so sad, so utterly pitiful, yet he couldn't look away.

The thing that was the most sickening however was the fact that Tyki thought the sight of a drugged teen sleeping on his bed sprawled upon the sheets was cute. Really cute. Disturbingly cute.

It was about then that Tyki decided he would go fetch himself some alcohol and get drunk. On second thought, he might as well bring some snacks along while he was at it. He'd see whatever was around. Just sitting there on a chair and staring at somebody, and a minor of all things, did make him seem as somewhat of a pedophile and seriously, while Tyki Mikk considered himself a man who took great pleasure in not living by the laws (of human and of physics) he seriously didn't have any intention of becoming a pedophile, whatever his behavior may have indicated before. But on the other hand, was it really pedophilia when the object of your potential affection was a teenager, hence was undergoing puberty?

Seriously, having a thing for minors was more like Sheryl's piece of cake, although he was worse, seriously. Come on, Road didn't look like she was even in her teens yet (she was far older than that, but still…) and she dressed like a goth loli. Besides, although they weren't related by blood both of them were Noah. But on the other hand, it was more of an unhealthy fatherly obsession than anything else; thank God.

Just imagining the possibilities of so called "Noahcest" made him incredibly nauseous, but after having downed a bottle of wine he felt more like considering possibilities… and impossibilities. Hence, he started to pair up people with each other in his imagination.

Sheryl X Road. Ugh. That was just plain creepy, end of story.

Skin X "Anyone-besides-chocolate-cake". He couldn't even imagine it.

Jasdero X Devitto. They were pretty gay already. Jasdevi.

Jasdero X Road X Devitto. The threesome from Hell. Definitely.

The Millennium Earl X Road. The mental images. Hideous.

He downed another bottle.

The Millennium Earl X Lulubell. Could work, but was still very gross. Hell, it was gross with anyone whenever the Earl was involved. _Sorry boss._

"What are you doing?" A tired voice from the bed asked while its owner rubbed the sleepiness out of his eyes.

"Nothing much," Tyki replied with a shrug before finishing his glass. "Just drinking and pairing people up in my imagination and drinking more to rid myself of the pictures I get inside my head… You know, stuff."

"Oh," Allen said, sitting up and running a hand through his messy white hair. "Can I join?"

"Sure," Tyki replied. "Want a joint as well?"

"Nah, I think I'll stay clear of the drugs for a while," Allen replied. "I'm still feeling a bit woozy."

"Of course you are after taking all those pills," Tyki said. "If you were a normal person I'm pretty sure you'd either be dead or in a come, which means you either have built up quite a resistance to them or should be considered an abnormal person in general…"

"Let's not talk about such complicated and uninteresting things," Allen cut off, tilting his head to the side. "Let's talk about who to pair up with who… it doesn't take much IQ… to do so."

"Why do you rhyme, boy?"

"I dunno… I just felt like it."

"Want some?" Tyki asked, indicating the alcohol at his disposal.

"Nuh-uh," Allen replied, gaining a slightly sickened look on his face. "Childhood trauma. Need I say more?"

"Childhood… apprenticed to Cross Marian… Alcohol…" Tyki muttered. "I think I can imagine what happened… kind of…"

"Let's get back to this pairing thing instead," Allen said, smiling cheerfully at him. "I'll start off with Sheryl X Road X Tyki."

Tyki immediately choked on the drink he had been occupying himself, breaking out into a coughing fit. "You're terrible," he finally choked out. "I have plenty of objections to that one."

"Then pick another one who's equally offending?"

Tyki looked thoughtful for a moment before opening his mouth. "How about… You and that Kanda-guy you mentioned earlier?"

"Nuh-uh. We'd probably kill each other. Besides, we fight all the time."

"Well…" Tyki said with a smirk adorning his features. "You know what they say, the more they fight the better they get along."

"In such case the Earl and I would be best friends, if not in a paternal relationship," Allen replied, looking deeply skeptical about Tyki's reasoning. "Hell, I would probably be involved in an intimate relationship with not only you but at least half of the Noah clan…"

"Care to give it a try?" Tyki asked, sounding quite amused with the whole thing.

"Allow me to consider it," Allen replied, staying silent for a brief moment before speaking again. "Nope, definitely not. I think I'd rather go and snog Kanda, and that's a lot having taken into consideration that we hate each other's guts."

"Really?" Tyki said, sounding just a tad skeptical himself. "Did you know that there are women out there who'd kill to get a load of this?" he continued, pointing at himself.

"That's right…" Allen replied flatly. "Women. Most of them can be blamed for having quite bad taste really since so many of them have a thing for the debt-making womanizing drunkard that is… was… my Master."

"Master, huh?" Tyki echoed, tilting his head to the side. "Sounds just a little kinky, doesn't it?"

Allen immediately flushed, causing Tyki to break out in laughter.

"Along with your fear of drinking it really has you wondering now, doesn't it?" Tyki continued with a smirk. "Did he get you drunk beneath the table or something?"

"In case such a thing had really occurred then I would've made sure he'd be in jail for being a pedophile," Allen coolly replied, his face showing no trace of the earlier flush. "But let's not talk about me. Let's nominate the worst threesome there is… ever… so far at least."

"I nominate the Skin X Road X Earl. Disgusting."

"I nominate… let's see here now… Kanda X Cross X Earl."

"I haven't even met this Kanda-guy yet, but the sound of that pairing really makes me shudder… and not in a pleasurable way at all…" Tyki murmured, nursing his drinking glass.

"Understandable," Allen agreed with a shrug. "Though I still have this distinct feeling that there is one far worse out there…"

"Who cares?" Tyki replied, refilling his glass. "I have some serious mental scarring to treat and some seriously sick mental images to suppress…" he downed another glass before reaching into his pocket. "I seriously need to smoke some crack…"

"Druggie."

"I don't want to hear that from you."

"…"

"On second thought… weren't the rules of that game we had earlier that the loser had to serve the winner?"

"Something like that," Allen finally replied, giving him a slightly suspicious look. "You're not planning anything perverted, are you?"

"Sorry to disappoint you but I'm not," Tyki answered, taking a deep breath. "I was more like considering ordering you to go away and back where you came from and having us continue this odd conversation some other time…"

Allen blinked. "You want me to go back to the Order?" he asked, sounding a bit disbelieving. "And where's the fun in that?"

Tyki smirked. "The fun part is still ahead of us, Boy."

_- _o0o -


	5. I'm Back!

…

_- _o0o -

**I'm Back!**

_- _o0o -

Oddly enough, Allen found himself strangely disappointed, waking up in a bed in the Asian Branch of the Black Order without much clue as to how he got there and why people, among them Kanda for God knows what reason, were yelling at him like he'd somehow managed to wreck his freaking Innocence or something. Spotting his bandaged left arm in a sling he swiftly concluded that it wasn't that far from the truth… not really… as he did wreak it before getting high on drugs with one of his supposed enemies, playing a card game, losing, following said supposed enemy home, meeting the Devil himself (The Millennium Earl), knocking himself out using a great amount of painkillers, waking up and joining in on some random contest to find out the most disgusting pairing ever… then his supposed enemy, Tyki Mikk the Noah of Pleasure, told him to go home and after that… nothing.

Oh… then it kind of did make sense that they were currently yelling at him; he did more or less fraternizing with the enemy… sort of. Wait… in such case, how did they know that?

Weary silver-gray eyes blinked a couple of times, trying to find a proper focus. When he failed, he settled for closing them again.

It was around then that somebody started trying to shake him awake again, so Allen, still totally out of it, did whatever your normally sleep deprived teenager does when people try to wake them; he used his right hand to deliver the greatest slap so far in the history of humankind, straight into the face of whoever was in the way. And somebody did get hit, judging by the rather indignant outcry followed by a load of muffled swearwords in a great variety of languages. Allen couldn't stop himself from smiling as he vaguely realized this; it sure was a pity he didn't have his eyes open to see it, but at the moment the version he had inside his imagination proved to be sufficient for his entertainment.

_- _o0o -

Kanda Yu, pissed as Hell, continued glaring menacingly at the sleeping form of Allen Walker long after it had been established that the teen had gone back to sleeping/unconsciousness/coma/whatever-they-considered-it-to-be, glaring while rubbing his still sore left cheek while cursing the fact that his warrior instincts and reflexes hadn't saved him from the mockery of certain individuals in the Black Order's Asian Branch… certain individuals like Branch Chief Bak Chan, just to mention one. And for that matter, Kanda found that he was actually relieved that Daisya Barry had kicked the bucket earlier on; in case Daisya had ever heard of this then Kanda was pretty certain that he'd never hear the end of it, but judging from the badly hidden snicker from Noise Marie and not so discreet chuckle from Froi Tiedoll, Kanda suddenly found himself worrying for his reputation as the unbeatable badass samurai no one could ever land a hit on, especially if they ever ran into the rest of the Cross Team (because Lavi couldn't keep his mouth shut even to save his own life). Oh well, if they did find out Kanda just had to do the same thing he always did when people tried making fun of him; he'd point a bloody sword at them.

Honestly, why were they even there in the first place? Team Tiedoll had just conveniently taken a stroll in some bamboo forest nearby since Tiedoll desperately wanted to see a live panda (having insisted that seeing Bookman alive wasn't enough) and instead they found the injured Bean Sprout totally out of it in the middle of a scattered deck of playing cards. Ignoring Kanda's suggestion ("Let's leave him here and let somebody else deal with him") the group had taken the Sprout with them to the conveniently placed Asian Branch where they had been for a good couple of days now, since Allen was still totally out of it along with the fact that the rest of the Cross Team had left him for dead and gone on without him, hence indirectly burdening them, the Tiedoll Team, with him instead. Troublesome.

Nevertheless, there was something very strange with the whole thing, as Lavi had apparently stated (according to the information of that Wong guy who'd apparently met with them) that he'd searched through the whole bamboo forest in a desperate attempt to find the white-haired idiot before uncovering some sort of recording from Timcanpy which pretty much confirmed the white-haired idiot's death only to have said idiot turn up in the same spot less than a day later, with enough drugs in his veins to knock out an elephant… according to the test results anyway. Now how in the Seven Hells was that even possible? The Bean Sprout should've been dead by then, yet there he was, alive and kicking (more like slapping), yet so totally out of it that it wasn't even remotely fun to watch it anymore.

Finally feeling his healing kicking in Kanda felt the throbbing pain in his cheek subside while he continued staring at the sleeping teenager on the bed. So weak, so utterly pitiful, so… angelic. Kanda nearly choked as he'd just realized what the Hell he'd been thinking; had he gotten absolutely insane or something? Kanda checked his own temperature with the back of his hand just to make certain. Nope, no fever. And he hadn't injected any drugs either as far as he was aware, so what the Hell had brought that thought to life? Sleep-deprivation? Post-traumatic stress syndrome?

"_BaKanda_…" a hoarse voice suddenly spoke to him. "Name the worst threesome in existence?"

Kanda gave the now very much aware white-haired teen an odd look before putting his earlier anger aside, putting on a rather thoughtful expression as he actually considered it for a second.

"The Earl, some guy named Leverrier or something I had the misfortune of meeting once and… pretty much anyone…" Kanda said, tilting his head to the side. "By the way, why are you wondering about that, _Baka Moyashi_?"

A tense silence lay between them for a couple of seconds, before Allen rolled onto the side, his back facing Kanda.

"No reason," Allen replied. "Now be a good idiot and go get me a f-cking aspirin or go away."

Kanda once again found himself staring, really really staring, at the white-haired idiot. Not glaring, but staring with a great amount of disbelief. Allen Walker, known to most as a civilized and most often utterly polite Englishman, had just a) given him an order b) called him an idiot (why wasn't he getting upset over that) c) made use of bad language. Even if Allen did get a bit ruder whenever Kanda was involved, this was just… odd. And the even odder part was, Kanda complied with it, he f-cking complied with Bean Sprout's demands and went to fetch him a freaking aspirin… without even swearing or complaining about it… On second thought, why did he feel so warm all of a sudden.

Screw the thought of whatever was wrong with Allen; Kanda wondered what the Hell was wrong with himself.

During the brief moment of peace Allen rolled onto his back again, staring at the ceiling as a faint blush rose on his cheeks. "I seriously think the drugs must've f-cked up my brain…"

_- _o0o -


	6. Getting Sick of This

…

**- o0o -**

**Getting Sick of This**

**- o0o -**

Allen just honestly couldn't understand what the Hell was wrong with him nowadays. Honestly, whenever he unexpectedly came face to face with the raven-haired sword-wielding idiot he went from being perfectly healthy (well, considering his grave injuries, almost) to feverish and exhausted within ten seconds, his face flushed and his legs barely even keeping him upright.

This proved to be surprisingly unnerving for both members of the Asian Branch along with Froi Tiedoll's team, so people in both camps went off to find some sort of scientific explanation to what ailment had gotten to the white-haired exorcist. Once it was determined that Kanda Yu also suffered from something similar, people started speculating on whether this weird sickness was contagious, and, soon enough the scientists came up with a theory.

Maybe this mysterious ailment was only contracted by Innocence accommodators, as only two exorcists had been struck by it up to that point?

This particular theory was soon disproven however, as some girl named Roufa from the science department of the Asian Branch also contracted the mysterious illness after having spent time around Allen Walker. It was at this point that some people started considering putting Allen Walker, the suspected source of infection, into some sort of quarantine, but it was at that point Branch Leader Bak Chan, to some renowned as some sort of genius, finally figured out the true nature of this mysterious ailment.

"Lovesickness," he calmly announced, because he certainly had experience with it from his crush on Lenalee Lee.

"Then, what should be done about Walker and the others that have been infected?" came the question from Bak's assistant and nearly constant companion Wong.

"Nah," Bak said, smiling as he waved his hand in a dismissing gesture. "Lovesickness usually only last for short periods at the time, so they'll get over it soon enough… However, while Roufa will no doubt be alright once Walker is gone from this place I do believe that both Kanda and Walker have contracted a quite strong version judging by the seeming absence of their earlier animosity that I have heard so many rumors about…"

"I believe the saying goes: the more they fight, the better they get along," Wong said, shuffling through some papers. "In such case, would Walker and Kanda be considered to be best friends?"

The smile on Bak's face turned outright evil. "Oh, with the influence of lovesickness it's a great risk that their former rivalry will become one of those… what-do-you-call-them… friends with benefits."

Hearing this, his assistant Wong face-faulted before finally nodding in understanding. "True, true… should this occur however I have little doubt that there will be at least some raised eyebrows from the church, alongside a squeal of happiness from all the closet fan girls in the Order…"

"Exactly," Bak agreed, rubbing his hands as a scheming smirk adorned his face. "Which is perfect, because one of my spies back at Headquarters told me that Lenalee had this thing for Walker, but if I can somehow convince her that Walker is gay then she'll no doubt come running to me for comfort and then we'll live happily ever after and there's not a thing that bastard of a siscon Komui can do about it…"

"Is that your evil master plan, Leader?" Wong asked. "You've truly outdone yourself this time around…" _… in more ways than one…_

"I know," Bak gloated. "I spent an entire hour on it."

**- o0o -**

Meanwhile, Kanda, who was in the middle of a training session with Fou, was seriously starting to question his sanity as his head just wouldn't stay clear and was constantly clouded by thoughts of that damn Bean Sprout.

Said Bean Sprout was present in the training room as well, sitting cross-legged with his back against the wall while reading a book, using his relatively uninjured human limb to turn the page, as his other arm, the one with the Innocence, was still heavily bandaged and put in a sling. There was also a bandage wrapped around the white-haired teenager's head, as said teen had somehow, at the point he'd first laid eyes on Kanda that morning, gone off to the nearest stone wall and proceeded to try to smash his own head in by the looks of it. He'd been stopped soon enough of course, but his forehead was still heavily bruised and bleeding when they'd finally managed to drag him away from there and they nearly had to sedate him in order for him to stay still while they were patching him up.

Really, injuring himself like that.

Still, whatever the Hell the Sprout may have sought to accomplish by doing that, it was true that the earlier rash that was on his cheeks whenever Kanda saw him had decreased somewhat, bringing the teen's skin somewhat closer to its normal hue.

And, considering the fact that Kanda himself had been bothered by a similar rash, he actually found himself wondering whether slamming your head into the wall several times in a row would be even remotely helpful in ridding himself of whatever bug he'd caught from having to spend too much time around the Sprout.

Parrying another blow from Fou, Kanda spared a glance at Allen, who suddenly looked up at him as if sensing he was being watched. That small motion was far enough of a distraction for Fou to land a hit on him, sending him straight into a nearby wall with a great amount of force. Kanda slid down to the floor, temporarily winded.

_Man… what the Hell was that?_

"Really," Allen said, speaking up for the first time in a long while as he sent a wry look in Kanda's direction. "I'm seriously getting sick of this. Had my other arm not been out of function right now I would honestly give a standing ovation to your blatant show of stupidity, BaKanda."

Said exorcist, who had just about recovered from the hit and was getting back to his feet, underwent an emotional 180 and glared murderously at him for a couple of seconds while getting a better grip onto his sword before dashing forward, obviously intent on killing the white-haired pest while he had the opportunity to do so.

Allen however just continued staring impassively at the positively murderous samurai running towards him, discarding the book while getting to his feet at an easy pace and calmly leaning his back onto the wall again.

**- o0o -**

Meanwhile, Bak and Wong, who'd been keeping an eye on the proceedings through the monitors, came to a startling realization.

"Crap, he's going to try and kill him," Bak said, dramatically slapping his forehead. "Damn it, my evil master plan to live happily ever after will be ruined!"

"Indeed," Wong calmly agreed, taking another sip out of his tea. "It will be ruined."

**- o0o -**

Allen looked amazingly calm when the tip of Kanda's sword imbedded itself into the stone wall right next to his head, slicing off a couple of hairs.

"You missed," he said, completely unaffected by the killing intent which was basically radiating from his opponent. "You know, had you just gone for a horizontal slash instead of just thrusting it forward you would probably have had my head by…"

He was roughly grabbed by the collar of his shirt and pulled upwards by one irate samurai, who then proceeded to silence him with his lips. Allen himself, shell-shocked at having his mouth ravaged by a man who looked quite ready to kill him just a couple of seconds ago, tried very best to get said man off him by any means at his disposal. However, as it appeared he was basically trapped with his back against the wall with Kanda towering over him while seemingly snogging him senseless, or rather, from Allen's point of view, depriving him of some seriously needed oxygen.

_Oh crap…_

**- o0o -**

Bak Chan's mouth hung open and he was not alone; even Wong looked a bit shocked about the rather unexpected turn of events and if the monitors were to be believed, so was Fou and Allen.

"Oh my God," the leader of the Asian Branch finally said as his mind fully registered what he was seeing. "Please tell me we're recording this?"

Wong immediately snapped out of his shock and into his assistant persona, "Of course we are, Bak-sama."

**- o0o -**

Meanwhile, Allen's brain was working on high-speed while he was still struggling to get loose.

_So Kanda failed with nailing me with the sword and settled for the next best thing; killing me by asphyxiation… crap, my head's going…_

Feeling like he was about to faint/die from lack of oxygen Allen finally resorted to some really dirty but oh so desperate measures.

First, he bit the tongue ravaging his mouth and thereby gained the momentum needed to break the kiss and head-butt his assailant, which in turn granted him the momentum to place a well aimed kick into said assailant's crotch area. As Kanda then nearly keeled over Allen simply walked away, and although his left arm was still in a sling and his right one was holding onto the book he'd picked up again, he managed to look quite elegant when he did so, sporting yet another swelling spot on his forehead, which had started bleeding again.

"Holy cow, Walker," Fou said. "That was one Hell of a show…"

Allen's only reply consisted of a wide grin in her direction as he made his way to the exit, only to fall to the floor in an unconscious state a couple of meters later.

**- o0o -**


	7. Pheromones

_Once again, clueless authoress is clueless, but this was pretty cracked to begin with so who cares?_

**- o0o -**

- **Pheromones** -

**- o0o -**

Allen Walker finally came to on an examining table, connected to a whole lot of machines supplying or monitoring God-knows-what. It was not a terribly good way to return to the land of the conscious, but at least Kanda was nowhere to be seen, which turned out to be quite a relief in itself.

Still, Allen's potential case of bad morning temper was not to be underestimated.

"I'm seriously getting sick of this," he said out loud to nobody in particular, restating his earlier opinion as he sat upright and began to remove various cords from his person.

The heart-monitor went flat lined and was plugged out, alongside the other machines monitoring God-knows-what as they all started beeping like some freaking alarm had gone off when he disconnected himself from them. The IV-drop was pulled out too, but with great care since Allen knew not to be careless when it concerned needles imbedded into his flesh.

It was around then that Bak Chan entered the room, flanked by both Wong and Fou. "Walker, we've finally figured it out."

Allen gave them a rather blank look, tilting his head to the side. "Figured what out?" he asked, "How to get my Innocence back together or what's wrong with me in general?"

"Both actually," Bak replied, "Because I'm such a genius."

In response to this, Fou hit him on the head. "Baka-Bak, get to the damn point already."

**- o0o -**

Allen blinked once, then twice. "Wait… what?"

"This lovesickness is likely the result of a pheromone like substance your Innocence currently emits into your immediate surroundings," Bak explained, pointing at various charts. "Meaning that the Innocence, which you nearly trashed by acting so recklessly earlier on by the way, somehow started producing these pheromones… meaning that people who are pheromone sensitive who are around you for any prolonged period of time is very likely to fall head over heels in love with you… when they're not trying to kill you of course."

Allen just stared at the man, fully convinced that the Branch Leader had somehow gone insane. He then looked at Wong and Fou for confirmation of their leader's failing sanity only to have them nod, showing that they somehow agreed with their leader on this one.

_You have got to be kidding me…._

"Walker, just think of the possibilities!" Bak Chan said, sounding disturbingly excited. "We could seriously use this pheromone producing ability in the war!"

Once again, Allen stared at the man like the man himself had suddenly grown two heads or something.

_It's as I thought; the world has finally gone mad on me. Seriously, pheromones?_

Allen thought back at that incident with Suman Dark, analyzing it thoroughly.

Seriously, even if Tyki's behavior back then during the whole incident with Suman Dark there were still plenty of reasons for the Noah's behavior, such as the fact that the man had basically been smoking pot and getting high. Now that was a perfectly good reason, at least in Allen's opinion, as to why Tyki had settled for playing cards with him instead of assassinating him as his mission stated. That much could be blamed on the drugs.

Then again, there was that thing with the Earl as well, the very man who'd ordered his assassination, who'd seemed quite okay with Tyki having brought him home alive once he'd gotten some flimsy explanations as to why. Now that, according to Allen's knowledge of the Earl's behavior, was not normal. And, seeing to the fact that the Earl did not seem intoxicated, Allen just had to blame this one on the other's obvious insanity.

Still, thinking a bit further about the events since he ended up here in the Asian Branch, Kanda had been acting just a bit stranger than usual, at least if one took into account the fact that the man had tried to murder him by asphyxiation by the use of lip lock last time he saw him.

"_**But on the other hand, why didn't you just breathe through your nose, idiot?"**_ came the retort from his inner monologue, which had turned into a dialogue before he knew it. Odd.

_Wait… since when dp I have a second inner voice? Who are you?_

_**I am your Voice of Reason obviously, you dumbass.**_

Allen considered it for a second.

_Voice of Reason? What the Hell?_

Thankfully, at least in Allen's opinion, there was no reply, which in turn meant that he wouldn't have to start doubting his own sanity for a while yet. So, finally feeling reasonably alone inside his own head again, Allen continued thinking.

_Wait… various characters acting a bit out of character and some supposed mad scientist who tells me my wrecked Innocence has started producing some weird pheromones which makes people act in very strange ways simply because I'm around…_

…

_Tyki, you son of a b-tch… "The fun part is still ahead of us", my ass… How the Hell is this even remotely funny? I have a pheromone-high bipolar BaKanda on my ass who can't seem to decide on whether he wants to skewer or rape… _

Allen's inner monologue came to a sudden end and he startled when he was suddenly enclosed in some improvised group hug by Bak and his two companions.

"Don't worry, Walker; we'll get you through this ordeal… you're safe with us…"

Allen's eyebrow twitched.

_Okay, on second thought: screw that. I'm not buying this crap. The world, or at least the Order, has gone mad on me; seriously, even the Earl is saner than this._

**- o0o -**

Meanwhile, in the oh-so-secret headquarters far far but not too far away during the traditional Noah family dinner, the Millennium Earl sneezed. The Noah looked up in surprise at their leader and finally, after a couple of seconds, somebody blurted out a "Bless you", only to then become the very center of attention of everybody who was present at the table.

The Earl's eyes glinted dangerously behind his pair of round glasses. "Bless you?" he snarled dangerously through the clenched teeth of his ever-present grin. "Bless you?" he repeated, his voice quite far from the normal chuckling tone.

The other Noah exchanged looks with each other and some of them even sent looks of pity in direction of the family member who had spoken out of place.

Said family member, the ever teased Tyki Mikk, merely arched an eyebrow at the scene which was unraveling in front of him.

"The expression 'Bless you' is a thing commonly said to a person who sneezes," he finally explained. "Apparently it's an old custom meant to ward off the Devil which originated sometime during the medieval period… I think…"

The other Noah looked at him, some with curiosity and some with contempt, but what they all shared was the look which indicated that they thought he needed some sort of mental reevaluation.

The Earl just stared at the Noah of Pleasure for a couple of seconds before chuckling, "Is that so? Then allow me to take my hat off for you," he said and did so, revealing a pair of horns on top of his head.

"Bless you?" he then asked, clearly daring somebody to say something.

He was only met by heavy silence.

**- o0o -**


	8. Receiving an Unexpected Call

_I spy with my little eye, something beginning with plot?_

…

_Nah, I must have imagined it._

_It's been quite a while since last, but do enjoy. Happy new years!  
_

**- o0o -**

- **Receiving an Unexpected Call **-

**- o0o -**

Allen Walker, fully convinced that sense and reason had abandoned his supposed allies, did what any other sensible person would have done in that kind of situation; he stood up and stalked out of the room, ignoring all protests and warding off attempts to pull him back in with some very well-aimed kicks into some very sensitive areas. Having had no particular plan in mind for what came next, he randomly stalked down the corridor, intent on walking until he found something more worthy or his attention and maybe, just maybe, someone reasonably sane to converse with to waste some time. Or to plot his escape; he had not yet decided on which.

His spontaneous expedition seemingly proved to be a fruitless one however, as the people he eventually encountered on his way somewhere unknown happened to be the individuals who were a part of what he had dubbed The Geek Trio, which had seemingly been dispatched to find him and bring him back to their obviously insane branch leader and thereby put him back into said man's obviously insane plans. To say the least, Allen was not amused.

**- o0o -**

It would suffice to say that Tyki Mikk was surprised when he, having returned to his human life and his human companions, walked by a telephone booth and had the telephone ring and picked it up not to find himself speaking to the Earl but rather to an irate voice which it took him quite a few seconds to place. Eventually however, a light went up for him and he managed to pin down the voice in the receiver as the one belonging no none other than the exorcist he had gotten high with and sort of but not really kidnapped just the other day – or was it last week? Tyki shook his head, trying to sort out his thoughts but failing miserably. Instead, he focused his attention on trying to figure out what the white-haired teen was on about.

"Tyki!" said teen hissed, seemingly attempting to keep his voice as low as possible. "This is probably your fault, so you've got to help me out!"

Blinking sluggishly, the Noah of Pleasure attempted to find sense in what the teen was saying, but as his brain appeared to be unable to draw any likely conclusion as to what he had supposedly caused, he felt the need to ask about it in order to figure out exactly what the Hell the other was talking about.

"Right…" he said, tilting his head slightly to the side. "First of all… would you mind telling me what I supposedly did to you… besides offering you drugs and painkillers and bandaging your arm?"

An annoyed hiss was heard from the other end, and Tyki's eyebrow climbed. What the…?

"Sorry, love… but I didn't get that," Tyki then said, smirking slightly and waving at his companions where they stood outside, eyeing him curiously. "Can you take it one more time, a bit slower if possible?"

"That's why I'm telling you it's too bloody complicated to explain over the phone!" the other hissed back. "Just come over and kidnap me already!"

Tyki's eyebrow climbed even higher. "Curious question," he then said. "Are you high or something?"

"No, just desperate," the other hissed back. "I need a way out of here before these bastards come up with another one of these stupid… Gah! Just come over here! Kidnap me! Kill me! Do whichever! Just get over here and put me out of my misery now, goddammit!"

Tyki silently wondered what on earth could have driven the exorcist to such a point where he somehow managed to call one of his sworn enemies and demand to be killed. What on earth…?

"Look…" the Noah of Pleasure finally said. "Let's say that even if I decided to help you out… you're in the Asian Branch of the Black Order, yes? Do you know how difficult it is to get into that place?"

"I do know, but I have to get out!" the other hissed. "Okay listen, I don't think I can talk for much longer, but at least try to forward a message to the Earl or something and tell him that I will-…"

The call was suddenly cut off and Tyki stared at the receiver in surprise, wondering what the Hell had just taken place. Then, shrugging mildly, he hung the mouthpiece back where it belonged and exited the booth.

"Another call from your secret employer… or from your secret lover, perhaps?" one of his companions asked while the others snickered, not bothering to hide their amusement.

Tyki just smirked in response. "Nah, I wish."

**- o0o -**


End file.
